Practically IMperfect

Feeling better...........RAZZLE RED!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 23:23:26 GMT

Yesterdays post was clearly just a depression one so today is a new day and of course Im feeling much better.........I think it stemmed from the fact that i talked to my Mum and she was so upset so i was worried and blamed myself.......same old story........yadda yadda yadda i feel better........
I fed ducks yesterday because my mums apartment is near a duckpond, like literally outside is this massive lake where you can see the city and feed the birds but not for tuppence a bag! for free!
I spent the day looking at this Homewares store with her and having beautifull italian coffee! I then caught the bus home and joined the NewFarm blockbuster finnally!!! I got out BUBBA HO TEP and SEINFELD season 4 lots of nice viewing! I came home to Michelle playing WOW! lol i still cant belive it, but it honestly looks really cool and shes created such a dazzling character!
Will was in bed asleep but i then made him some LinguiniTunaPasta with cheese and a VB before work, so we had wine times and watched BubbaHoTep before he had to leave for work again........We had lovely chats and after he left Shelly and I chatted for ages till it was her bedtime........I then watched Seinfeld over strawberry ice cream and hit my own sack.........
I woke up with nightsweats again and bumped into stevie while he went to the toilet i felt really embarrased..........
Today involves chilling out massivlly before the death parade at work.........
But im glad i feel better.........

1) What stickers do you have on your car? o
2) How/where did you meet your last or current bf/gf? At Work Laserforce now Fiance
3) What do you hear right now? Coldplay singing Trouble
4) If you could have a drink of anything right this second, what would it be? Tall Glass of Ribena!
5) Does anything hurt on your body? My Nose and Lungs
6)How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I feel 2 planks.......
7) What's your job position called? Customer Service
8) Size ring do you wear? 6
9) Do you own a picture phone? yes
10) What's your bf/gf's birthday? May 16th 1980
11) What's your Mom's favorite band/musician? U2
12) What's your Dad's favorite band/musician? Jimi Hendrix
13) What was your high school's mascot? Bears
14) What's your favorite bottled water? Dancing
15) What's the next concert/show you're going to and when? Sarah Blasko and The Go Team and Sigur Ross all within 3 days of each other heeeeeeeeeeeee
16) What's the next movie that you want to see? I ashamadely want to see MonsterInLaw
17) What were you doing at 9 pm last night? Drinking a UDL and looking at ELVIS.COM
18) What's your favorite Starbucks drink? Caramell Latte
19) Do you exercise as much as you should? No.......
20) Did you attend your High School prom? No.......no date

Post this on your own journal to find out who your friends see when they read about your life.

Two Rules:
1) The person must be in the movies or on TV (but doesn't have to be an actor/actress). The person can be specific to a role (e.g. Jennifer Elhe's Elizabeth Bennet) or just the person themself.
2) You have to post a link to a picture of said person in the comments.

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 05:11:48 GMT

Im really really really scared of the unknown............Im sitting here crying...........
Im so scared Im so scared Im so scared..........Im scared.............I hate depression when it happens.........Some days I honestly wish...........and I cant belive Im going to write this......But i wish i never was born..................The End..........

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 12:29:04 GMT

Ive had a few days to calm down and be away from the bee at the Honey Factory.......although it isnt sweet sweet nectar its more like Hanus Bee Juice........

Ive had a great few days , lots of reading, spending time with Michelle, going to our retro store up the road seeing beautifull Kitsch Kitchen Kools! Having coffee at our Alibi Room cafe !
Shopping seeing, getting to finnally read more Judy Blume books.........

Will has been so tired but ive enjoyed looking after him for once seeing as though he takes such good care of me....But im really worried about him, he looks white as a sheet but he doesnt wear false teeth so he doesent need a frontierphysciatrist............like the band sings............

Ive decided to make a book over time it sounds really lame but its about shoppinglists, for some reason im always finding crazy shopping lists, they are all over town ! they make me smile and wonder about who is buying them.........what kind of person are they its very cool.............well, its lame but i think kind of cool........

Im looking forward to tomorrow Mum and I are going Bag shopping at this beautifull shop and cafe around the corner from her, its lovely, its just like crabtree and evelyn, and i am a magnet for all things lovely...........not myself but my brain and heart......whatever ergh i cant write properly..........

I had beautifull times this week with those i love and i love them.........Im just not looking forward to work........that place kills my very soul........like trully it does...........

Im off to watch I LOVE LUCY now.........i bought another DVD for 3 dollars.......and lucy i dont have any splainen to do !!!!!!!!!!!

All I Have To Say Is This..........

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 01:12:18 GMT

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

HORNY SLUT!!!!!!!!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

warning warning angry...............

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 12:17:03 GMT

Its been a long time between drinks ! or posts ! as one may say.........
At the momement, in this point in time, which i hate to start writting a journal about because its been a while and ive had so many la dee da times during this week, but i need to get out something plaguing me , by not just rats but big huge london new york esque BLACK PLAGUE rats ! thats rat tat tatting upon my brain........i really cannot stand someone in my life, that comes in and out like a tide.....but with massive ripples.........its like they create a giant wipeout in the tiny ripple.......at the end of the wave and do u know what i cant stand the most?!!!
i know of so many people in life who ! they can be horrible, nasty and everything shat.......but because of the "self confidence" they have, they can out do, out muster, out voice, out know, out look, out smart and out out out out fucking everything in life against you.........yes oh the shame, how does it go feeling sorry for yourself......damn it ! i hate that i still say even if i do vent about something, i hate how my brain never ever lets me have that bitch about something or someone in my life that does me "wrong" well......nuts to you brain, at the momement.........because again old feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, complete NEAR VOLCANIC ERUPTION is happening all over a fuckinggain and i tell u , one more one more one more and im going to just go brazil, cashew, pecan, macadamia , salted, unsalted NOBBYS NUTS over it !
People can be so mistrusting, people can be so using, and rightfully so, but at the same time god damn it why do they have to fuck other sensitive peoples lives in the process.........just fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it..........
Yeah ok whatever, i know im fucking sensitive..........i know ooooooooo its just poor angie, maybe its my voice, that people dont take acknowledgement of if im feeling upset, i have one of those voices, that is just soft by nature so ooooooooo dont tread or just humour the sad person
well uno what
NUTS to you as well.........because i can be butch too ! if i fucking wanted too i could walk all over u , i could say u were fat, too skinny, ugly, talentless , stupid, worthless, everything mean horrible and nasty too, but fuck u its not in my nature, i have no desire to make people feel bad..........
everyone in life i belive who is ever mean HAS A REASON and i cannot belive after all the fucking hurt ive endured from this "Type" of person i still
make
excuses
well one day iwont be like me , if i get hurt just once more...........
so watch the fuck out
because i swear to fucking god! if anyone pushes me one
more
fucking
time
if i have to feel bad about something once more, if i have to make another excuse for someone
ill be the one whose nobbys nuts arent my own.........but indeed ill be the one holding them in a jar.........
i chose to write my positive post later, because right now
im fucking angry as all samantha stevens bewitched im fucking angry derwood hell...........
isnt it nice that i still use humour
good old fucking angie
fuck off

Nostalgic plus 10000 much?

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 15:15:23 GMT

If someone knows where i can get THEWONDERYEARS episodes on dvd , video or anything viewable!
Ill kiss them and kiss them and hug them and hug them...........
Ive had the hugest feeling of nostalgia tonight ! I remember the feelings i felt watching this show, it is so me everything i feel in life is a wonderyears episode i badly badly need to see it again and again........Ill pay a large sum of money to anyone or buy them mcdonalds or tasty treats or a beer or something..........just oh my goodness!
PLEASE BRING IT BACK TO ME??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL.............

What would you do if i sang out of tune? would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ear and Ill sing you a song, I will try not to sing out of key.............

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 14:00:02 GMT

I have a new email address in case anyone was wondering ,

skinnyhotdog@hotmail.com

The vanity time...........?

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 06:03:30 GMT

1. I _____ Angie.
2. Angie is ____.
3. I think Angie should _____.
4. Angie needs _____.
5. I want to ____ Angie.
6. Angie can ____ my ____.
7. Someday Angie will _____.
8. Angie reminds me of _____.
9. Without Angie _____.
10. Angie can be _____.
11. Meeting Angie is _____.
12. Worst thing about Angie is _____.
13. Best thing about Angie is _____.
14. I am _____ Angie.

But omg ! Today i bought a 1960s! Bicycle for 10 dollars! I had the loveliest day, its funny today i set aside time for me and make the most of each day........I borrowed a weddingbook and even designed my own wedding dress.......i just love it i couldnt belive it.........
I feel very french im trying this new thing to disguise my shocking hair! and its a black beanie thing......today i was black and white........perhaps this is efficient with how i feel about myself.........the dark pulls me in to hating myself.......the white is that glimmer trying to get out......they say the colours u wear on a particular day everyday is how u feel about yourself.........
I couldnt belive my luck about the bike......
Im still feeling funny about myself, wondering if ill be good at anything.......ive such worries about the future.........because my life has always scared me of one thing.........

Happiness only lasts a minute or two then your father can turn around hit u and slap u or say u r the ugliest fattest thing in the world...........my god hes fucked me up.......no one will ever understand.....i feel so crazy sometimes........fuck..........omg! i started this post with happiness now im crying remembering my father.......
i feel ugly, fat useless and uno what...........thats me........
Wow i havent even had anything to drink and im writting this honest post............
the days of wine and roses can sometimes be applicable to the days of coffee and self starvation..........

Do you have lungs?

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 03:26:42 GMT

So this it ! Ive been inspired but maybe its been the beautifull air.......or perhaps someone in my home smokes pot!
But the thing is.........just like the song..........aint no mountain high enough.......
I am going to do something slowly but surely and sure it seems like a vain post........but im going to try to .......... be happy about being me.......... maybe its thanks to the marlo thomas song.....free to be you and me.......... this may not last long folks........it may be the porkypig reference......
aybidya abidya thats all ............

But! Im going to start celebrating my interests........i aint no millionaire.........

but the thing is

KAREOKE at DONT TELL YOUR MAMA!
7 pm ! sunday night!

if u want to be there, be there, if u dont THATS SO OK ! but its a happening.......its a happening and a gardenstate reference....
im so in it right now

A Forever Memory............

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 11:57:48 GMT

We are home, its funny how i say we, when i am the one typing this.......its even funny to think im in a we due to how i feel about myself.......still not good enough etc.......but well hello lets write......i just said lets, oh heavens to betsy and martha.......will i ever have induced self confidence?

WE ARE BACK FROM MELBOURNE!
WHAT A SUPURBLEY, SUBLIME, SUREAL AND SENSASTIONALL!!!!! adventure it was........i still cannot belive i was there.......we were there.........together.......as one enjoying what was our official first holiday outta state together........
We arrived safely and got home safely which i suppose is always the question on peoples minds.........i have so much to say, write and think but i will just write the highlights, even though there are so many officiall highlights forever in my memory..........

# Got to see FOUNTAINGATE the official shopping centre for kathandkim
# saw beautifull old churches st patricks cathedral!
# had beautifull coffee at holeinthewall cafes that seemed to be everywhere!
# went out for a beautifull meal together
# saw geelong in an actual melbourne field game!
# saw where kylie would have had her tour
# saw the dutchmasters art exhibiton actual rembrandts!!! and picassos!!! not to mention all the beautifull painters, sculptors and even the famous yin and yang painting of the ocean!
# saw the nightlife everyday and night!
# everycorner was a surprise, every view was a painting, every person was lovely!
# caught many a tram! even for free!
# spent lovely lovely times with william!!!!!!!!! so many to write ............
the thing is my hands are sore at the thought of writting because there is so much
so much i wont ever forget, i have the photos of beautifull memories to keep........so much so much so much.........

all i can say basically is, i fell in love with this city...........
what am i to do ? cant help it..........

the rain is beautifull.........in a way.........if u get to watch hitchcock films!!!!

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 12:19:51 GMT

So much to update so very very much but i think id rather save internet space and just write a little.........

# I loved loved loved Shellys bday on sunday because she was not without a smile all day and this made it seem a very very happybirthday was indeed had by her!
# Im soooooooooo excited about Melbourne the closer it is getting im in awe and such antici...........................pation ( rocky horror reference )
# Im having a battle within myself, my depression/mental illness of late is making me withdraw into mself and be even more quiet than i already am and its really hurting me and im scared its hurting will and i dont want him to break off the engagment or break up with me because of my self hate..........
# i love william so much and iknow he wont leaveme but im so frustrated because i know while im always angie to him im at the momement not feeling myself
# my grandparents whom i havent spoken to in years! as there engagment present gave us glassess they got for there engagment in like 1950 im tottally amazed and dont know how to thank them........just tottally in awe.........
# my mums house looks beautufill and i loved spending time with her tonight so very very much her house she has made a home, as soon as i walked in seeing all that reminds me of her, thats why it looks like home now, cause i love my mama and she;\'ll always be home too me
# had a very selfrevealing embarassing chat to michelle yesterdau but in compelte gratitude to her
#hope i get better cos i know i dont feeling myself.........

i jusut so despratley want to accept myself............why cant i like me?

YES I JUST DISCO DANCED AROUND MY HOUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 01:05:32 GMT

So its Friday Morning its freezing and its my first day off until 4 this week!!!!!!! at Laserforce!
Lots has happened this week so im going to type it out in notebook form........

# My bestfreinds wallet and phone was stolen out of our own house while we were all upstairs , i keep blaming desperatehousewvies if it wasnt so addictive we would have caught thebastards!
# What kind of karma caused this to michelle, shes never been a biyatch!
# Finnally had times with william on monday! and i even got to buy the first season of arresteddevelopment for 20dollars at jbhifi! theyve done it again!
# got to spend some time with my soontobebrotherinlaw Thomas, hes a lovely kid who will always remind me of magic cards and baked goods from the italian pastry store!
#I finnaly got to actually feel like how will feels with waking up at the crack o dawn and getting to be at laserforce from 9 to 5 !!!! blergh! its so my karma for not being in his shoes!
# A customer actually got to abuse len face to face!!!! in a way i was glad he had to deal with what we deal with and the way he makes his choices well he got to see the repercussions buit man she was a nasty ghetto woman!
# Karen has been really nice to me! Suggestions like the spa has room for 3, grabbing my bum , calling me babe sweetie and darling, giving me pats on the back ( rubs) and asking me to eat......that last one i dont know but her and len came out and told me
"now we want you to grow up big and strong now dont we?" ............ i was dumbfounded! so my response was........."that foyer lits pretty messy can i have the windex and papertowells?"

But! thats one thing i noticed this week......everyone in my life is really nice to me.........but this week i found all to be particularly nice to me........My housemate stevie and i had an unexpected chat about spiritul stuff and he thinks im a beautifull person and he was crying saying he wishes i could see what others dont..........missy at work i got to know better this week, if u r reading this missy youll probably think im weird but i really! loved talking to you and laughing with you.....it made my days at laser at work bearable!!!!!!!! .........thankyou for buying me that mochachino! buit i will make u take the money one day!!!!
william william william! the only man of my dreams!!!!!! you have been extra william this week to me! i cant belive how lucky i am ! i know the stresses of work youve been a little distant from me in the past but this week was so an exception its like u realised i love u everyday when u dont love yourself and u made me feel like a natural woman! god bless god bless god bless!
toot toot beep beep!
Michelle omg! you are so beautifull even though what happened to you this week was as fucked as a ghetto prostitute ( omg i cant belive I ANGIE just wrote that ) but thats how extreme i mean it!
I love u and if i can do anything to help always let me know!!!!!

WOW! and i just got to dance all around my living room by myself to donnasummer............oh man this day off is going to be boogie woogie beautifull!!!!!!!!!

So lets danceeeeeeeeeeeeee this last danceeeeeeeeeeeeeee toooooooooo niggggggggghtttttttttttttttttttttt

A Gorrilla was at work today...............?!!!

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 11:56:04 GMT

Well i was at Laserforce again today and i am not kidding but a GORILLA asked to see the main mega extravagent boss.........Karen.......so to me this told me...........i dont live in a normal world......where gorrillagrams come in and ask for hugs..........but uno, thats my life.......theres always a gorilla gram shaped in a person..........my gorrillagram today despite that was just life......Im missing my family the more i see them.....so much is on my mind........so much so much so much.....but i have a new avatar isnt it pretty, hes prettyandgay his name is rainbowken.........
So much is on my mind, i havent told anyone this yet, but ive had this re occuring dream..........this week two times this person has been in my dreams........about something that couldhave been different.......what if i went down a different path.........this week has seen the always memoriable date of my exes birthday and seeing bridgetcleary.......this girl who was in love with me but i didnt swing baby that way........seeing my family move out of the "post divorce home ".........william missing me but being really angry and distant and im extremeley confused.......if he missed me and loved me , why would he be angry at me?...........i dont know........i love him so much but sometimes i think he gets really pissed off at me.......and i dont know why...........ive been helping my mum move out and spending time with my family........and i havent been there much for him at all.......yes i am angry at me......of course.......im not the worlds perfect girlfriend/fiance.........and if i was then i would always have a hotdog smile upon my face..........i feel like i havent been a goodbestfriend too.......to michelle......i havent been there.........i havent been able to feed the cats......... i havent been at my newfarm home i miss it.......but my family is going throuhg some changes...........i wanted to be there for them to help them out...........
oh my god...........how is it that when im not there in life for people i still manage to fuck shit up..........
im not all that..........at all............. but why do i suck so bad.............
blah maybe its the vodka talking?
but i saw a gorilla today it was so weird..........and i wish i didnt have that re occuring dream.......
ummmm can i just ask does anyone think weird thoughts like me?
please answer my question.............
oh angela?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many a quiz in the realm of angie's mind.............wtf

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 03:51:12 GMT

You scored as Soft. You are nice and soft, you love everyone and everyone loves you, while you are fiery or too exciting, you are always pleasant.

</td>

Soft

100%

Shy

75%

Sweet

75%

Awkward

56%

Hot

44%

Wet

25%

Violent

19%

Exciting

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Soccer/Football Jocks. The jocks...yum!

</td>

Soccer/Football Jocks

65%

Preppy Fellows

60%

Skater Boys

35%

Gothic Boys

30%

Your Ideal Boyfriend
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as overdose. most teens rely on this method of suicide...and you would be one of them...welcome to the club. You frequently think about suicide and your dreams are usually somewhat haunting...good luck in the future...that is, if there is one for you.

</td>

slit wrists

71%

overdose

71%

slice neck

43%

hang yourself

43%

stab yourself

29%

what is your form of suicide?
created with QuizFarm.com

Oh my fucking god i have to go to work i hate it so fucking much! i have to wear my brothers shirt cause ive left mine at home........im going to look like mc hammer but i dont care........stop hammerlaser time.......i just want to stay here and read oprah magazines...........:(
But i guess i have to
"get with the programme"

Another day Just Breathe..........

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 05:32:22 GMT

The days just go soooooooooooo fast especially latley! I think the cosmos knows that i have to work tomorrow.......I really love my Thursdays just doing me stuff......even though my company gets on my own nerves alot of my own time.........its nice just to be able to completley fade into myself..........
Thats why i did these for a little while..........QUIZES! ......... Im now going to apply for a jobs and then watch AllyMcbeal ON DVD WHICH I OWN! OMG OMG OMG!!!!! ( i am aware of the laughing by people ahem)......with A VodkaLimeSoda.......and relax until this evening.......where upon.......ummmmmmm Ill relax again?!!!..............

You scored as Eating Disorders. Congratulations! You have an eating disorder! You know what it's like to have "fat" eyelids and that there's exactly 58 calories in one medium-sized green apple. Western society has discarded your well-being for sickly, paper-thin models and celebrities; welcome to the club, sister.

</td>

Eating Disorders

67%

Borderline Personality Disorder

42%

Unipolar Depression

25%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

17%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Schizophrenia

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Ken Jr.. its ok, just a few more years. haha, Skipper's cute for you!

</td>

Flexi Barbie!

67%

Ken Jr.

67%

Skipper

17%

Heat Activated Shaving Ken

Malibu Barbie

what kind of barbie would you be?
created with QuizFarm.com

Should i go to the Army?

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 12:24:49 GMT

Today i woke up late ! Omg! I hate wasting days espcially now that im feeling older.......i got to say goodbye to will, he seemed in a reserved scatterbrained mood......understood though seeing as though laserforce is laserforce & they can go jump off the brisbaneriver omg! i want a new job ! lol but! how long have i been saying this for? 3 years i think.......its funny that place is a part of me its like im unsluting LOL i mean insulting myself as ive met my fiance there bestfriend and lots of wonderfull friends there it seems like im taking it for granted, which of i clearly am at the momement........but thanks to Shantille i so feel like the song she played at work last night.....PEACHES.........fuck! shit! lol....and im never usually like that, just so angsty........that place is not making me feel like a natural woman please! thankyou miss aretha franklin..........
Nevertheless, after my odd morning.......which made it all better just by the rain which i love!
i said goodbye to will and shell and i ventured out for coffee at retrocafe down the road, i loved loved loved finnally getting the chance to sit and listen to her! and how shes feeling! about everything! its funny how we live together yet.......i dont really get to talk to her, one of us is coming in then going out, i spend time with will she spends time at work , its all a bit come hither go hither, and to get the chance to listen to someone so intelligent so beautifull so emotionall so knowing is just glorious to me, they dont call bestfriends bestfriends for nuthin!
i love u shelly if u r reading this u r my ultimate "bitch' and u r "so hot right now" in the words of d e r e k z o o l A N D E R.........lol?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm im a very oddish girl!
But oh michelle! i really just well, i see u .........ok i really see u..........life is so funny, life is such a fucking harsh mistress sometimes.......and michelle, i know u ! ok i know u ! maybe u need to tell me more of what u wanted to say........but i get it i get it i get it..........hmmmmmmmmmmmm........i cant say too much on here..........but honey u r my bestfriend! and bestfriends! knowbestfriends! hmmmmmmmm...........see through the livejournal see through the livejournal lol!
but just know this ( darth vader voice ) i am your bestfriend and im always on your side!!!!!

After seeing Shelly i caught a bus into town and bought the rest of my Mamas bday present! which is a framed photograph on the goswickchapel in sydeny she loves it so very much and if she ever re marries and i become that actress ive always wanted to be i would pay for the wedding and buy her anything in the world she wanted........she is the most glorious person in the world, do u know how lucky i feel she is my ma? well ALOT!............i wont go on about it but ill just say,
im a mummys girl........
maybe i needed the supernanny? lol.........as i may have alot of freud issues?

I came back to Mums after meeting Gabrielle my sister and we had coca colas and chats it was lovely so ive requested her prescence next week i feel that because my sister is 10 years old and im 22 im missing out on alot of important things in her life, maybe that butmaybe too i just miss her, i feel proud to say i have a little sister.........who honestly is growing up too fast........but i guess alot of kids in the milenuim are growing up to old............"the atomic age".........but it was so lovely! we talked about her schoolfriends, what shes doing at school, kylieminogue! now thats cool to know kylie is still going when she was when i was in year 1 , makes me respect miss minogue just that much more!
we got home and i grabbed a wine and lew and gabe had milos and we all sat and chatted like 3 siblings all together on the front verandah it was gorgues and i know it sounds silly but ill always remember it! i love them soooooooooooooooo much! my heart just so wants to know them..........they can always have me as there friend! i may not have goodadvice i may not be a good role model to do with alot of things,but by god! they make me so proud! they are wonderfull kids and i know are going to grow into beautifull humanbeings!

Mum then came home and her and i had kathandkim wintimes! it was lovelyas always, she was though telling me about her shitness at work and my god the more and more she talks of it it reminds me of work at laserforce at weekends..........i just so become like the scissorsisters song, comfortably numb so maybe mum should drink before work too...........it helps! by jesus ! it fucking helps.......
omg! my swearing has been so bad latley........i need to curbmyenthusiasm for it............

Its her 43rd birthday on sunday, man i want her to have the most beautifull day in the world, im actually thinking of turning up in baloons...........lol.......just to make her smile.......i dont think shes had baloons in a while..........nevertheless............a bottle of wine for her will make her smile........lol........whislt listening to carole king and perhaps janis joplin........she will be so set..............

The simple things in life are so the best!

Ps. Should i go to the army?

Hmmmmmmmm weird post............

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 11:51:00 GMT

WOW! i never realised the song PIANOMAN was actually about drunks..........I am sitting here crying on a saturday night about it, because its funny i identify with it..............i often wonder.......as im about in clubs, pubs and everything......what does alchohol do for people?
I feel it has many things........does many things.........

Can i list them, ?
well it is my journal and perhaps i should be able too........?
but
Ok i think some people drink out of boredom , to find a fancylife in there brains, those whove just never used there imagination before..........
I think another is to release anger, those inhibibitions of those who have always wanted to be fucking angry at things that have happened in their life but find alchohol as a way of releasing it.....
I think another is shy people to not want to be shy, they want to be themselves.......it releases some kind of mechanism to say........drink more to be you more.......at last?
I think another is to drown sorrows. such a cleche phrase i know. but, it really is to just escape into a casim of just utter stupor, for that momement in time after a few 1000 drinks u become numb, its almost like death u just dont feel anything...........
I think another is just to listen to you, when u r drinking and u close your eyes u can really here you inside......what your thinking, youll walk down the street and youll sing, to others who havent had a drink that day........they think your fucked, but when u r in your own reality........singing down a street..........then who cares...........

A woman asked me today , while i was at work "how can u sing?"
I thought about those drunks walking about, like basically in the song pianoman.........just drinking makes u feel alright........but eating disorders in another thing.........u get that adrenilan from u dont know where.........theres the horror of , unger pains, which i still get..........that ouch stabbing pains, ive got them right now..........but u reach the same feeling as you would drunk............i dont even know why im writting about my eating disorder on here........it too is like comingoutoftheclosest.......i dont know if anyone can tell that i have an eating disorder..........but anyway.......it feels like when u r tipsy........i replied to this woman..........singing gets me through the day.........i cant wait to get my piano back...........i cant wait wait wait........when that huge box of music was taken away from me, it felt like a part of me was taken away, uno how some kids they grow into adults, i mean we all do, but that sentence was perfectangie, stating the completle obvious!!!!!
but..........so much of my life i feel like was "takenaway" from me, and i feel its when i became stunted........ i do have an eating problem.........but for all those things which were taken away from me..........
A proper family,
My sexual innocence,
My self confidence,
My grandmother,
My abilty to make something of myself,
My ability to belive in myself,
My ability to talk loud

Oh yes dont i sound like your typical drunk? talking about yesteryear, but byfuck! i wish the badness in my heart would go away........it affects me at times where i wish it fucking wouldnt..........
thinking about the room where i was abused in, thinking of how many times it happened, thinking of the smell of that room, i hate darkness, someone is going to creep up and hurt me from behind......
I dont want to become a drunkard......
Ive so much to celebrate..........so much to be happy about........yet there are those times.........where i want to kill whatever is in my heart that makes me so sad........because everything ive had, since ive grown up since the badness seemed to end, its like im living a second life, did god give me another chance?
being a catholic, u think that there is a reason for hurt in life, like yours..........karma if u will?
but.......its very confusing sometimes being in my brain.........
very very.........
I walk around feeling ugly, i have a huge nose, i have small eyebrows i have beady eyes, i have a pot stomach i have rattytatty hair, i have a childs soft voice when im a woman, i am not intelligent, i feel so many things........i have so many emotions, i stare into space, everyday i have an emotion about something, i cannot just go through one day without thinking, feeling or sharing something i feel about something with thosei love.....sometimes i hate myself because i have so much inside me,......where can it be released........im not talking about a sexuall build up or an artistic flair,....im talking about me
what am i good at? why cant i accept it? i dont want to turn into a nothing, i have an enormous fear........

i envy people who have children, because they have the greatest gift of everything.........an ability to show some new life, love, love and life, not how to be, not to mould but to share the things a child would only find beautifull.......
i hate that life sometimes throws u things to be jaded at.......i hate that alcholol is alive, i hate that people hate themselves, i guess that deep down,,,,,,,,i hate that even i and only sometimes........hatemyself too.............

LOL i wrote a song!!!!!!!!!!???????????? and its saturday at 11

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 02:04:24 GMT

Its funny how u can be in a relationship for over 2 years now, its funny how u can be engaged for 4 months, its funny how u can live with your fiance for over 6 months now, i love him so much and i miss hime when hes not around, i miss him being in the same room as me and its only been 3 days........sigh........im so in love and i love him so dearly..........my mum told me i can have my piano back, i was so happy and he was there to share my new........yes sometimes possessions are materialistic, well call me materialistic about beautifull things........i cant wait to sit at the keys and make songs, sing songs, play songs, i want to write a song about william so here goes..........

We met way back, We met way back , We met way back when i was off the livin' track

You looked in to my eyes , there was a songbird singing between them

You looked in to my heart, there was a drum beating for you

We met way back, We met way back, We met way back when i was on your lovin' track

I love the way you move
I love the way you dance
I love the way you laugh
I even love the way you cry

Because baby, yeah baby ,
I love the way you make my heart love

I love the way you speak
I love the way you sometimes turn your cheek
I love your moods
I even love when your mean to me

Because baby, yeah baby,
I love the way you make my heart love

We'll be together forever honey, we'll go through lifes loves and money
Its such simple things i treasure about you
Such small things that make me know at the altar i'll say I do

Because Baby, yeah baby
I love the way you make my heart love

Because baby, yeah baby
I love the way you make my heart love

Lyrics by AngieSmith Title - I love the way u make my heart love

Lets go down to overflow?

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 14:24:28 GMT

What an interesting memorable day ! It may seem like notatallmuch to others but to me it was highly definable........I woke up to going to the toilet whereby i was like......hmmmmmmmm this is strange the water is coming up instead of going down.........then water was upon my feet and i hadnt even had a moccona yet........after towel drying my mothers porceilian bowl and floors.......i then went to make coffee and i rarley use a spoon when tipping in sugar it overflowed.........i then thought.........is this , this friday
OVER FLOW day?......I decided against the coffee and had water, seeing as though it woke me with such un trepidation and might i add un tepidness........it was freezing!...........
I sat out on the patio,,,,,,,,,one of my last times here and watched the sky change colours and decided to, before meeting Mum i would go to library and the grocery store to pick up an iced coffee and some nice reading.........
I walked down to the library where they were having a singing session, i felt so 60s.....amongst bookish types and guitar swiverlers........even if the songs lyrics did go
"Brisbane is good, brisbane is great we have a mayor and sometimes a fete"
Nevertheless it was class........i was saying goodbye to the area in a way because mum is moving away and i got to see my old house and my god i missed it, i just stood in front of it and remembered happytimes instead of sad........i remembered my dog, i remembered school days getting to come home to my baby sister and my mum who would always have baked a different kind of cake..........it was small memories, they are just a few but the memories of happiness........the last "family" house we had before the affairs, before the violence, before the hatred..........that house was a happy house, we should never have left it.......
But if i didnt leave it.......i wouldnt have met some of the people i have now........wouldnt have the memories to be greatfull for..........wouldnt be that part of me, who still after so many years, manages to smile at the little thngs in life........

It began to rain on me.........a woman in front of me at the store........saw me walking in the rain and asked if id like a lift.........for the first time in my life i accepted a lift from a stranger........she just honestly seemed harmless..........and it was strange, i was coming back from the library she was going to there.......it was like our paths crossed in this weird way.......
i looked at her as to what id like to be.......she had bought some alchohol and i noticed, dip pate cheese and crackers in her grocery bag and i thought to myself she obviously entertaining friends, her husband is at work, she is running errands and going to have some her time down at the library........to folks it may seem boring, but the simple things in life are just so the best..........and i really will never forget her..........i just thankgod michaeljackson didnt offer me a lift, unless i would be even to numb to think of lifejournal posting...........

It rained, mum had too much work and the morning and early afternoon slipped by, so i decided what the hell im going to sit here, with no internet and read O MAGAZINE with a vodka lime soda in the middle of the day, so i did and i must say i am an oprah convert! her magazine really uplifted me and i sing nothing but praises for her, its the goons on her show that often make her look silly.........aka tom cruise....and the "prayerpose" as ive dubbed to call it........she just really made me feel good about myself........if u want to celebrate u , get O Magazine...........she makes me feel like i could do anything........an older woman.......the only older women ive had in my life that have given a damn about me , is clearly my mother, a few teachers, my grandma, michelles mother and i can say now, Oprah!!!!!

Its been such a funny day, i was asked out by an endos man, a 12 year old boy said i was hot........so maybe the overflowing of the toilet today was a sign , to let love flow over you........now i trully do sound like oprah.......but today i trully was, remembering my spirit................

I've been tagged by shelly_4

List your current six favorite songs, then pick six other people that have to do the same.

1. WhitneyHouston - GreatestLoveOfAll
2. KylieMinogue - Cant Stop
3. Doris Day - Sentimental Journey
4. JanetJackson - Escapade
5. U2 - Stay
6. Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

Shit! u really think id be clued in to the scene of newage music but thanks to LIMEWIRE im gettingback to my classic hits hits hitssssssssssssssss

I choo-choo-choose...

ahr_9
flamedrake1
msteacher
vampiretea
virtualdan
reendoll

Heres to you Mrs Robinson................

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 12:44:17 GMT

Goodbye my dear Mrs Robinson, Anne Bancroft, another one of my favourites died this week from uterine cancer........like TroyMcClure u may remember her from such films as , TheGraduate...........
"Would you like me to seduce you , is that what your trying to tell me?"
Rest in Peace..........

This week has been a funny one Ive actually got to ( insert the glow lights here ) SPEND TIME WITH WILL......it sounds like a game show latley...........Which one of u lucky contestants will get to
SPEND TIME WITH WILL?.........the survery says.............ANGIE............

Yesterday we had a lovely day of reading and going to the library after sayingsorry for our overdue fees with a huge can ofbeans&spagetti it was beautifull, we had wine times, grocery shopping times, walking times and visiting my family to thank my mother for the glorious melbourne trip engagment gift and watching sky captain and the world of tomorrow.......we had a beautifull dayof just being us, many an intimate momement..........he so stands out in my life as clearly my fiance.......but his happiness makes me happy.......his heart makes my heart.........i just cannot belive im a cleche' of finding the one......i never thought id be lucky enough............

I had a teary/anxiety attack on tuesday night......worrying if im a worthwhile person, lover etc etc the usual suspects..........of anxiousness when u walk about in my body........and was so beautifully comforted by shantille and william.........i couldnt ask for better friends!

But the one friend who is such a constant beauty in my life and she isnt there out of convience just because i live with her is Michelle.........she understands me on so many of my fucking levels of insanity and normallness..........i am speechless to often find the words at how comforting she is and how very much she helps me to be me..........and helps me to know im free to be you and me......thankyou michelle for putting up with all of me.......and surprisingly loving all of me.............
i love u ! for all of u ! all that u r and all that u hope to be.........u r perfect in my eyes and please always know this.............

My post this time is short as my hands developed rsi today from editing.........but i was able to drink sweet sweet wine which should have numbed me............but still my hands flail...........
I think god is trying to tell me to be an aclhololic........thank god the wine tasting was just that and not an intervention.........

the only lows of this week is the past few days ive felt really fat and ugly........i hate feeling fat especially when i have an eating disorder...............

Just another Manic Monday?

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 01:30:31 GMT

Well since my last entry iu feel a bit better.........Ivejust decided that i am so HollyGolightly not in looks at all cause she was just darlinglydevine! but anyway......i think i suffer from the mean reds and i quote "suddenlly your afraid and you dont know what your afraid of"
happynews!!!!!!!!!!
My Mother as an engagment present has paid for a weekend for willandi in Melbourne!!!! staying at the novotell!! I m still numb from the lovliness of it all.......i just cant belive it.......there are only 2 negatives which ive discussed with Will..........
One is no wonder why shes sopoor at the momement :(
Two is Will has been working so hard to save for Melbourne and i feel guilty that he has had to do this and my mum just did it with the click of fingers..........i cant belive im writting it but will feels the same.......we just cannot belive the niceness of it all but at the same time so much of will he has had to go through to work hard.......hmmmmmmmmm i feel guilty when im talking about it...........with him.......i hope hes not mad at me.......
But my Mother is so beautiofull i wish she had a weekend away with someone she loves........i hope a man comes and whisks her like a discodancingeggwhisk because she needs a night of disco and a lifetime of love!!!!!!!!!!!! and i qoute!!!!! tooot tooot heyyyyyyyyy beep beep!!!
Im just so numb with gratitude...............
So i cannot wait for it.........Work was work on Saturday but i got drunk at work........and was making people laugh?!!!! i dont know what i did but i had flamey in stitches........and michelle and rhiannon..........wha happen????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I couldnt belive the people at the Boss Daughters 18th but then again i can , by looking at her
Bad girl!!!!!!!! talkin bout the sad girl!!!!!!! talkin bout bad girls yeahhhhhhh
They were all MiniKims from KathandKim
Sambuccccccaaaaaaaaaaa pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh the memories of not drinking responsibly, as i sit here with a vodka at 11 am LOL!!!!!!!
But it was hilarious.........all i remember of those girls were a few things
1.Vaginarevelling skirts.......
2.Cheese and Pate
3.Homebrand Crackers
4.The words Bitch Wiga and SnoopDogs dick is hot
5.Your my bitch! no your my bitch! i hate you bitch! oooo i love u bitch!!!
6.Red wine in plastic glassess.......beers without permits to drink..........
7.Bad newbreedteenager haircuts..........
8.Mutness and Looks of hate from there eyes.........
9.Souls that are in badneed of goodmum hugs.........
hmmmmmmmmmmm TootTootBeepBeep
well, i got free alchohlic beverages.........some time spent with cronies.......feeling older but for once in a while, in a good way.........
I came home to find wills brother, his gf, luke and my william watching tv.......he had a games night.....but seemed quite surly to see me.........i found out later on its because he missed me.......but i also scowled at him because........i felt if he missed me, wouldnt be be nicer to me? LOL.........but i shouldnt have scowled but yesterday after work he came home and we had
"intimate wear hour"
and lovely chats and atari playing...............
We also watched a beautifull movie called THE NOTEBOOK i very much recomed it! it was a beautifull love story.........but also awareness about demntia.........dementia........if i ever get dementia i want someone to remark
'they shoot horses dont they?" and shoot me.............
Oh this week has to be better........but its all up to me and my attitude.............i dont want to hear u donna sommer singing its the last chance for romance, so lets dance the last dance tonight.......cause it aint the last!!!!!!!!!!
This quiz was stolen from shelly! whom i adored spendin lotsa time with this week, shes so my rock and hopefully i can be her bush LOL that came out wrong, tree tree i mean tree fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
1. Getting Ready for a night out
- The Best Hits of the DiscoEra - DinoRecords
2. Going to sleep
- "Rainforest sounds" - DinoRecords
3. Hungover
- "American Graffiti Soundtrack"
4. Driving on a highway
- "The Best of the RollingStones"
5. On a train
- "The Best of JudyGarland"
6. Quiet drinks with friends
- "Essentail Lounge"
7. In a good mood
- "Liza Minelli Live"
8. In a bad mood
- "Liza Minelli Live"

Conchita Didnt Clean Thismorning...........

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 02:12:06 GMT

I woke up early at Mums today because Conchita * ( name changed for personal protection ) was supposed to come and clean the house, i laughed while i was still asleep, its so nice to wake up laughing because i remembered ARRRESTED DEVELOPMENT about LUPAY the house cleaner of the BLUTHS and how LUCILLE is just horrible to her..........."Lupay, tear down the balloons"!!!!
My last few days have been a really nice getaway from life and reality , at the momement im feeling im not cool enough for society and all of its mantraps i feel like just hiding and i hate that feeling........
I feel ugly, un usefull, in competent , and should hide from society........
Ive been feeling really sick too, everything i eat i feel really full and just feel so lethargic and ive been bleeding in places where i shouldnt be bleeding, i just feel so tired and i vomitted a few times over the last few days............
Ummmmmmmmmmm too much info yes i think so, sorry to anyone concerned...........?
Will has been missing me alot cause hes been working so much, but i guess thats a good thing, it must mean my presencese when not there is missed..........hmmmmmmmm dont know how else to finish that sentence......
Ive just been feeling low......
Thinking lots about my Father, why he didnt ever want me in life and now that he and mum are divorced hes trying to beat her with getting to know me, because its always rubbed in her face............
Thinking that i didnt do anything after school i was too chickenlittle to finish my degree in physchology and now i stand behind a desk at an entertainement centre to create happiness yet there is no smile on my face.......
Thinking that i wish my depression would fuck off i try to beat it with positivity and doing things that make me happy but there in co incides with me saying, i dont deserve to be happy.......
Thinking that i dont like living with one particular housemate.......this person gives me the creeps and i dont like being in the atmosphere of a share house sometimes..........when people come in and come out...dont pay there rent, dont do the dishes, dont feed the cats..........how come some people do it and some people dont, or do i just expect too much.........
seeing my friend melanie, i think ive ruined our friendship........i feel she thinks that i only see her out of ocnvience........conveinence.........when in fact i trully miss her and trully do want to spend time with her.......if only i didnt come across as fake to people.........im just so nervous all the time.......i always wonder what the other person is thinking of me............
like if im good enough for society..........?
i dont know
i dont know
i dont know.........

does anyone know?

My Friend told me...........

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 06:01:57 GMT

My friend Amanda told me to do this its really cool and does make you feel happy about yourself........even though right now im so not wanting to be happy about myself.............
I hate it because im going through one of those.........
You were not meant to be born therfore you do this and this and this wrong........yadda yadda...........
Everything bad, illy and remotley sarcastic im taking to heart......i feel fat, overweight, bloated, ugly, cancerouslly faced and hormonally challanged.........she said this about me and its so beautifull, feel free to do the same about me.............
if u want too.........whatever.........tell me to fuck myself with a large fishing rod?!!!
Im really looking forward to my next bruise...........its funny i cry about the insults.....to my heart yet with a bruise or two on my body.........i feel like i deserve it........i hate this mood its a worry.......im clearly a bitch.........fuck off to me...........

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

1. You are a totally cool chick! I love how you adore SATC and all the old movies!
2. Gone With The Wind- you are a true southerner at heart.
3. 5 pm- Happy Hour
4. Loving- you love with your whole heart.
5. Your engagement announcement post!
6. A peacock- a beautiful bird
7. Are you ever coming to the States??

I want to escape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!! Glu glug glug

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 04:04:55 GMT

Your Ideals Quiz

Saturday night

COCKTAIL
Shirley Temple! Ive always wanted to order one!

RESTUARANT
Mel's Diner as feautured in AMERICAN GRAFFITI

SHOES
High red PUCCI PUMPS

DVD
West Side Story
PUB
The Criterion

CITY
NEW YORK CITY
VICE
My Vice of Choice would be Marlboro Reds! the hard stuff with my shirley temple

SCENT
I feel like smelling of roses

LIPSTICK
Soft red

HANDBAG
Gold and Black diamonte clad

Sunday Morny
TOOTHPASTE
Colgate Whitening with BiCarb!

NEWSPAPER
VARIETY actors newspaper

BREAKFAST
Sausages with HashBrowns BBQ Sauce and Grilled Cheese Herb Bread

CD
Easy Listening NAT KING COLE

BOOK
Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Wolffe
BRUNCH
Chicken Kebab Sticks with Little Cheeses and Gerkin Pate
DRINK
Fresh Chamapgne Pink!

JEANS
Levi Slim Fit

SCENTED CANDLE
MOCHA from the BodyShop

TRAINERS
OXFAM due to its not from a sweat shop
BUBBLE BATH
Mr Matey for old times sakes

Guilty Pleasures with Angie

BEAUTY BINGE Foot Spa and Cucumber Facial Masks........ala Joan Crawford

TOURISTY TRIP
Gay Paris...........

CHEESY MOVIE
A League of their own

COCKTAIL
Flirtini

FASHION ADDICTION
50s skirts

BEACH READ
NEW WEEKLY magazine

CHEAP THRILL
A six pack of VODKA LIME SODAS , Packet of Marlboros , Some Sinatra or Elvis and a good book

LATE NIGHT TV
TV 1 with the retro tv shows

FAST FOOD
Hungry Jacks, their burgers just over pour with the goodness literally

My Made Up Quiz..........

Sat, 28 May 2005 00:43:52 GMT

And Now AngieTimeLife Presents the,

CLASSIC HITS HITS HITS HITS
FROM YOUR WEEK

Feel free to cut n paste n scribble n scrawl on your ownsnack lifejournal livejournal :)

Best time spent with YOU this week?
Dancing in my pjs when i was home alone cleaning the kitchen to DianaRoss&TheSupremePizzas......the music just took over me and i went with it :)

Best time spent with your BESTFRIEND this week ?
Choosing DVDs at Blockbuster laughing at the funnytitles and being ourselves in our humoring ways :)

Best time spent with a PARTNER this week?
Having newaged VB Beers at the criterion talking politics and hearing Wills news that he wants to be a politician

Best time spent with an ANIMAL this week?
Seeing a Goose in the middle of know where and vainly considering it a sign of goodluck

Best BEVERAGE drunk this week ?
My first SKYY Of the week at the Criterion with William

Best FOOD eaten this week?
Mango Frozen Yogurt

Best SHOPPINGADVENTURE this week?
Finding 1950s home magazines 2 for 2dollars at WESTEND Bent Books

Best LAUGH this week?
Watching the movie CLUE and hearing "I AM YOUR SINGING TELEGRAM" Then her getting shot straight away

Best CRY this week?
Sitting at the bus stop crying about my father and knowing William was right there

Best MOVIE/TV Show this week?
GARDEN STATE without a doubt i already want to own it , as Natalie Portman quoted "Your init now arent you?"

Best ALLROUNDERTIME this week?
Spending lots of time at home with the people i love being ourselves with our quips and our quirks and being init